Fuck yeah, my visions so bad that I lost my drivers license. Shits fucking great lately.
I don’t want to talk about how cloudy my visions becoming.
I don’t want to talk about how much off my vision is blotted out by blind spots.
I don’t want to talk about how I can’t read the smaller text on my computer monitor unless I move my face right up against the monitor.
I don’t want to talk about how I can’t read street signs — especially at night.
And I most definitely do not want a fucking estimation on how long it’s going to take for me to be completely blind.
I’m one trigger away from burning this fucking building down.
I do not want to be here.
I’ve never been this on edge in my entire life.
So my mother just told me that my auditory and visual hallucinations are because:
a) of demons
b) I’m possessed
c) I have a “vivid imagination”
d) I’ve opened myself up to “dark forces”
and my paranoia is because I “just need to grow up”
No mother. That’s not it. I have schizophrenia. YOU TOOK ME TO THE DOCTOR AND SAT THERE WHEN I WAS DIAGNOSED. WHAT THE FUCK MOTHER.
I’m so fucking done with ableist bullshit like this.
I can’t talk to people about anything because this archaic fucking culture we have.
In having hella bad nicotine withdrawals. dear god. Give me a cigarette pls.
Anonymous asked: How have your romantic and sexual activity been lately?
It’s not an active focus right now.
I’ve been way focused on learning all the songs in my new band and writing songs for my other band, getting settled in my new job, staying sober, and dealing with my trouble with the law as well as assessing my personal issues of self identity (regarding gender, sexuality, personal philosophies, and spirituality) and my denial of the mental health issues while searching for healthy treatment and coping mechanisms for them.
Honestly my focus on romance and sex has been at an all time low, and I mean I develop feelings for people occasionally but none of those short term crushes have really captivated my attention for any longer than a couple days.
There aren’t really any people currently in my life who have taken any significant interest in me, but I have some really close friendships that make me feel like I don’t really have much of a need for an intimate romantic or sexual relationship and while I think a sexual and/or a romantic relationship would be nice it’s pretty unlikely that I would meet somebody new anytime soon, and the people who I could handle a relationship that is romantic, sexual, and healthy are currently, for whatever reason, on life paths that are currently taking different directions than mine.
I just don’t see myself in a romantic or sexual relationship anytime soon and unless somebody sweeps me off my feet it won’t happen. It’s not something I’m actively seeking.
I don’t have an opposition to it happening, but it’s not priority.
And thus began the whining of white people over 12 years a slaves performance at the academy awards